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The Answer Blog

Author Robie Harris Talks Candidly to Children About Sex

If Robie H. Harris looks like a grandma, it’s because she is one. But unlike almost every other grandma in the United States, Harris is an award-winning author of picture books about sex, sexual health, and safety for young children, school age children, preteens, and adolescents.

The books—It’s Not the Stork!: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends, for ages 4 and up; It’s So Amazing: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families, for ages 7 and up; and It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex & Sexual Health, for ages 10 and up—have sold millions of copies and been translated into numerous languages. It’s Perfectly Normal, at last count, has been translated into 27 languages. They feature the charming illustrations of Michael Emberley.

I happen to think that Harris’s delightful and informative books belong in every elementary and middle school library, public library, and home in America. I once somewhat jokingly suggested that all new parents should be given Harris’s books for free when they leave the hospital with their first baby and told to put them on a shelf and retrieve them when their kids reach certain ages.

I recently interviewed Harris about the new, updated, 15th anniversary edition of It’s Perfectly Normal, which her publisher, Candlewick Press, will release in early September. The edition includes a new chapter on young people’s fascination with and use of the Internet.

Susan N. Wilson: What is the main purpose of your books about sex and sexuality for children and preteens?

Robie Harris: My overall purpose is to give information to help kids stay healthy from their early years through puberty and adolescence. Kids today are swamped by sexual words and images. The media sometimes gives accurate information, but sometimes it gives inaccurate and even dishonest information and that can lead to unhealthy behaviors and risks.

Our kids must have the most up-to-date and accurate information, so they can make healthy decisions, not risky ones. That’s why I consult with many experts in the field of sexuality when I’m updating my books. I have great respect for parents and teachers and hope that the books Michael and I have created can help them to talk with and educate children about sexual matters.

SW: You’ve updated It’s Perfectly Normal for the 21st century as the banner headline on the new edition proclaims. Since you wrote it 15 years ago, the Internet has come of age and kids find it very exciting.  How have you addressed this new technology and what it offers children in the way of information, good and scary, about sex and sexuality?

RH: Children accept the Internet’s presence 100%, but parents need to help their kids navigate and use it in a safe way and let their kids know the risks it can pose. I tell older kids that while the Internet is a great place to look up topics about sexual health and keep in touch with friends through e-mail, instant messaging, or social networking sites, there are still things they need know to ensure that their own personal health and relationships stay safe and healthy.

I tell kids of all ages that what makes good sense is to ask a grown-up you trust to help you to find sites where you can get responsible information. I also tell them that talking with a trusted adult is a great way to get the information they want. We all know that our children live in a world of sexualized images, and they need to be guided through it by trusted adults.

SW: What do you call the chapter on the Internet in the new edition?

RH: With older kids, ages 10 to 14, I acknowledge the Internet with a new chapter called “Helpful, Fun, Creepy, Dangerous.” The purpose of the chapter is to help kids get information while at the same time stay safe. Some of the information they can get on the Internet will be helpful, some will be fun, but some could be creepy, confusing, and make them feel very uncomfortable. I suggest ways for them to find responsible sites that have helpful and age-appropriate information, so they can make good decisions. I also suggest what to do if they end up on a site that makes them feel upset or creepy.

SW: How would you define the word “pornography” and do you use the word in your revised book?

RH: I think the best definition of pornography is, “You know it when you see it.” I think kids know it when they see it, too. They can’t quite explain it, but they know it, and it can make some feel creepy and upset and others feel excited. I define “puberty” and many other terms in the book, but while I talk about pornography, I do not define it, as I could not come up with a definition I felt would make sense for kids.

But having a conversation with kids, when needed, is something that can happen over time and over many days. There is nothing wrong with using the word if a parent needs to talk with their child about it. Parents and kids can even try to define the word together to help them understand the perfectly normal reactions they may have if they do see it.

SW: Do all children have the same reaction to what you call “creepy” sites?

No, I think that while some find these sites by pure accident, some intend to go to them and find them sexually exciting.

SW: What advice would you give to children or students who come across upsetting information online and are frightened by what they’ve seen or “grossed out” by creepy images?

RH: If they have seen upsetting information online or meet someone online they don’t know, like a stranger who tries to meet them in person, my immediate advice is to quit the site and immediately talk to a trusted, responsible older person about what they have just seen. I also hope that the responsible, older person will assure them that they haven’t done anything wrong in finding the site, and that they are just curious. And being curious about sexual matters is not bad; rather, it’s normal and healthy.

SW: There is a lot of talk about the prevalence of cyberbullying. Do you address this issue?

RH: Yes, I definitely let children know that saying something mean, bullying someone, or spreading gossip—even sexy gossip—when they are communicating with others online can make a person feel crummy and hurt that person’s feelings. This is something all our kids need to know not to do.

SW: In this age of Facebook and other social networking sites, do you give preteens and teens any advice to follow in the new chapter?

In order to protect kids from danger, I include a list of rules for the Internet for them to keep in mind whenever they go online. Parents and teachers can reinforce that these rules are ways to ensure kids’ privacy and safety. Here are a few of the rules:

  • Never use your real name;
  • Do not post any personal details, such as your telephone number,
    street address, or the name of your school;
  • Do not say you’re a kid; and
  • Never give your password.

SW: If a child’s parents are unable to discuss unpleasant and confusing sexual images, what should the child do?

I recommend that the child seek out another trusted adult, such as the school nurse or psychologist or the child health care professional, to discuss what s/he has seen. Similarly, if parents are not able to discuss these Internet events—and some aren’t—asking another trusted adult in the family, a neighbor, or their health professional for help can often help their child.

SW: I hear you’re working on a new picture book for very young children. Could you tell me more about it?

It’s a picture book for very young children ages two-and-a-half and up about naming all the outside parts of their bodies. It is normal, healthy, and developmentally appropriate for young children to want to know “the science names” for all of these parts, so they will learn early on that having these parts—whether you’re a girl and have a vagina or you’re a boy and have a penis—is as normal and healthy as having elbows, chins, and other body parts. When young children can name these parts, they feel proud of the body they have—a feeling that will help them all through their childhood and as they go through puberty and adolescence.

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